I Couldn't Sleep...

I couldn't sleep. I fell asleep quickly. But I woke up, the morning still dark but some early light spilling through the blinds. Sean was up, too. He was switching his light off and then on, off and then on again. I got out of bed and led him back into his bed. He was half asleep, his eyes barely open and his his cheeks red. I covered him up, kissed his eyelashes and turned off his light. He turned to his side and tucked his hands under his chin. I waited until he was sure asleep and went back to lying still and thinking. Once I am up thoughts rush through my mind like freight trains passing dusty fields, stirring up thoughts and ideas that have no business being explored at such an hour. I tried willing myself to sleep but it was no use.



I like the early mornings best. I move like a ghost through the house doing laundry or catching up on reading. I know by 2 p.m. I will have the inevitable crash but for now it is quiet, the morning air cool and first sunlight filtering through the leaves of the Dutch maples.



I wish I could be witty or have something funny to say. I feel like I've been a bit of a "debbie-downer" lately. I will leave with a poem today. Not a "laugh your shorts off" poem (I wish) but one I wrote a while ago when I was struggling to make sense of my situation with Sean. Here it goes -- another untitled poem for Sean.




There was a decisive
Moment when
You were all of me,
Nestled near a thumping heart
Keeping time with your breaths.


Your body a starfish
Reaching out
Eyelashes wet with tears
And amniotic fluid
A tender foot
Brushing against my ribs.


Now
We sit in separate rooms
No cord to keep us together.
I lost you somewhere between
The delivery room lights and today --
Time drifting
Into swift peaks of salty meringue
An allusion of sweetness
Betrayed in an instant.



katie donohue
2005