Letting Things Slide

I haven't been writing much. At least in the realm of Sean and autism. I've manage to keep up with my writing class and for some reason or another, focused on other topics and even started writing fiction again. For some reason, I didn't know what to write about when it came to my life with Sean and dealing with autism. I felt a need to back burner the topic -- a bit of a break from the microscope magnifying my constant thoughts and worries.

In the three months that have passed since my last entry things have been steady. Sean had a surprisingly good winter. Usually winter and summer are the toughest seasons to navigate for entirely different reasons. Winter, for the lack of sunshine, abundance of rain and darkness,a feeling of grayness seems to overtake us and we move about like tired ghosts, bumping into each other, not careful of each other's spaces or moods. We are selfish and seem to operate in survival mood, carving out bits of good moments and gobbling it up, never wise at saving for the tough days or creating a contingency plan.

We did travel to Mexico and did our best to absorb as much Vitamin D as our frog belly white bodies allowed us. Sean was in his glory when he saw an elephant seal tag a ride on the back of a fishing boat scrounging for throwaway fish entrails. And one evening at sunset on a catamaran we saw an enormous humpback and two gray whales break through the glassy pacific like covert submarines,their huge bodies arched against the fiery sky, and spout a fountain of water into the cooling air. Sean just about jumped out of his skin for joy. The icing on the cake was the next day watching sting rays leap like giant sea birds from the waves at the beach, dozens of them taking flight for a brief moment before crash landing back into the breakers.

And Sean had his big competition for downhill racing at Mount Bachelor in Central Oregon for Special Olympics. I had to take him there solo for the first day while my husband, his ski coach who had been training with him all season, was travelling for work. It had been a few months since I had skied and the last time I had was when I tore my calf muscle so to say I was a bit reluctant was an understatement.

Somehow we managed to do it, although at one point, Sean's ski came loose from his binding, he then fell to the ground, screamed and pounded his fists in the middle of the run for what seemed like forever. Meanwhile I had to take off my skis, hike down to him with another mom, tears bulging behind my goggles and calves burning, get him back into his skis, hike back to my skis and poles and get back into my bindings while being vertical -- this took a good fifteen minutes while sweat and tears poured down my face and Sean went flying down the mountain yelling for me. We decided to make that the last run of the day!

Any time we do a Special Olympics event it always gives me a greater appreciation for those who volunteer and dedicate their time, patience and talent to help people like my child; not to mention the athletes who embody such camaraderie, hard work and sportsmanship. I think of my older son who plays hockey and all of the complaining that can be heard about a child not getting enough time on the ice or a bad call by the ref and I can't help thinking how many of us just simply miss the point and how easily we can be reminded of what really matters. When we left the mountain and headed back to Portland I felt refreshed, my priorities adjusted and checked.

I wanted to include a quick link from the Special Olympics event. There are a couple pix of my little guy Sean in the red ski coat and blue helemt with the bib #68. I couldn't have been happier with my speed racer -- even if, a few times on the mountain he told me point blank, "You go home. Where's Dad?!" I get it. There are things I'm good at and there are things Dad is good at. Remembering sunblock, packing a favorable lunch in his backpack and fast forwarding previews on a movie are mine. Skiing, taking him to the climbing gym and anything that seems to be an adventure is Dad's. I guess we make a good team.

Please check out the link. It's a wonderful montage of pix and helps put most things into perspective not to mention it always makes me smile...

2012 Winter Special Olympics